Boots with the Ger

I'd thought a beard would be a welcome addition to my Trans-Mongolian get-up. I'd figured that a layer of facial hair would be an extra layer of warmth. What I hadn't bargained for was that in these kind of temperatures it would just freeze. It's pretty unpleasant but does make me look like an explorer.

I've spent the last couple of days in a Ger camp in the Mongolian nowhere. Below -20 in a tent, I was ready for some serious cold nights, what I wasn't ready for was ludicrous warmth. Five nights in a dorm room without aircon in a Rio summer, absolutely nothing on this. I don't think I'll ever be so pleased to walk through sub-zero temperatures to get to a drop toilet.

Spent the days wandering round the countryside either on foot (fun), sledge (more fun) or horseback (way too cold to be fun) eating hard yoghurt and drinking salty tea, both of which class as local but probably not as delicacies.

If Genghis Can then so Can I

I'm in Mongolia. By the skin of my teeth.

Last time I wrote I was all miserable and whiney as I'd just heard there'd been a hold up at the Mongolian embassy in London, meaning my passport wouldn't be released until Friday evening. My train ticket was booked for early Tuesday morning; my passport had three days to get from London to Beijing, two of which were weekend days. I was near certain that I wouldn't make the train.

Monday night, ten minutes before the local courier office closed I got an email from London saying my passport was in Beijing. A mad cross-town rushhour dash ensued - I had to Indiana Jones under the company's rollershutters - but the passport was there with the two visas I needed. But yeah, in your face Russia, I'm coming in.

Beijing had got more Beijing like by the time I left. By which I mean smoggy. Apparently they'd pumped a whole load f smog dissolving chemicals into the air for Obama's visit, these wore off after a week.

The first leg of the Trans-Siberian has been weird. We had to stop at the Mongolian border for four hours whilst they changed the wheels of the train. Then we got prodded awake by authoritarian Mongolian border guards who made us stand to attention whilst they checked our passports and Visas. I had mine, so in their faces too.

In Ulaanbaatar now. Which means I've finished my major city alphabet. Get in.

Best Mongolian shop name: Wool-mart.

Hey Mickey

I went to see Chairman Mao. That was a bit weird. In my Western eyes I'd always had him down as one of those slightly untoward political figures but here they seem to absolutely love him. Is that a case of access to information leading people astray, or is it that in the West the powers that be want us to fear China. I just don't know.

I also went to see a troupe of acrobats. They looked a lot less waxy than your man and were far better at jumping balancing on bicycles.

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This blog was going to turn into another rant about the hindrance of petty bureaucracy but I'm fairly sure that no one finds in anyway interesting. What zou maz find interesting is that on the German kezboard that I'm currentlz using the y and z buttons have swapped places. crayz, I tell zou.

Tiananmen Squeg

Well that tour's over. It's only taken, what, five blog entries. That's no time at all. Absolutely whizzed by.

The Tour ended in Beijing and for the last couple of days we had the same itinary as Barrack Obama. I didn't see him. Although we may have been in Tiananmen Square at about the same time, I had spent most of my time there walking backwards in solidarity with Jamie who was trying to keep his (ridicluous) new tattoo out of direct sunlight.

After the square most of thr group tried to go to the Forbidden City, which was closed for Presidential Security. Them there short-term Beijingers were cursing him for ruiniung their holiday. What they didn't realise is that the Forbidden City is at least a little bit rubbish.

Unlike the Great Wall which is anything but. Although it isn't so big as you can see it from space - that's a ridiculous urban myth, you have to squint to see it on the nearby mountains. Took the tobogan down the hill which would have been ace if I wasn't trapped behind a camera wielding moron.

Went to the Shaolin Monks Kung Fu show. It started with an amazing scene, I didn't know how they were going to find a suitably spectacular finale for their two hours of Taoist wisdom and eastern mysticism. They opted for a pantomime dragon fighting a child. Genius. Couldn't have come up with anything more ridiculous myself.

Speaking of ridiculous. In most days a chicken's eyeball would be the weirdest thing I ate. Yesterday it didn't even make my Top Five:

5. Duck brain (more ducky than brainy)
4. Sparrow (whole, way too bony)
3. Scorpions (tasty)
2. Starfish (not so tasty)
1. Seahorse (?)

Chinese Socks

I'm in the rather unethical position of finding that it's cheaper to buy new clothes than wash my old ones. That's not sustainable, right? I'd say I haven't replaced everything yet for environmental reasons, but really it's because I can't work out the sizes. My new t-shirt is a small and makes me look like a yacht, my new pants are a large and make me walk funny.

I'm in Shanghai now. The weather here is thoroughly British, in fact quite a lot about Shanghai is quite British. The train here got delayed because of snow on the line. Just like home.

Some things are perhaps less like home. Grasshoppers are a popular pet, there's a market devoted to them. They have little grasshopper leads and everything, if they had had sadles I'd've probably got one.

They do skyscrapers here in a big way. Most of the new buildings look properly amazing. I've just been up the Financial Centre, highest observation platform in the world, don't you know. The view would have been amazing had it not been so cloudy. Couldn't even see the ground, I guess that's the risk you run at those kind of heights.

Warriors, Come Out To Play

I'm in Xi'an, which is a vital chain in my Big City Alphabet.

It's also very cold. No, colder than that. Coming from Yichang to here is the biggest temperature difference I've had since switching from a British winter to a Buenos Aires summer. I got on the train wearing shorts and flip flops; got off the train and was pleased that I'd been carrying superfluous walking boots for the past ten months.

We had about six inches of snow the first night. That's a fun amount of snow. So much fun that it somewhat diminishes the experience of seeing the Terracota Warriors. Really, who wants to see an incomplete archeological site when the alternative is throwing snowballs at strangers?

Weirdest Food: I'm not certain but I think I ate a barbecued testicle last night. The trouble with never knowing what you're eating is that you can't tell people that you've eaten weird stuff.

You're Gorgeous

I've spent the last couple of days on a boat cruising through the Three Gorges on the Yangtze River. I thought it was pretty sunny although the Chinese people on the boat were appalled that we were wearing shorts on what they considered a winter's day. They did teach us how to play Mai Jong so we can't have discusted them that much.

Now I'm in the "small town" of Yichang. Population 1.3 million. That's Leeds and Sheffield combined which, by my humble standards, makes it reasonably big.
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Shouts:
Happy Birthday you. It's a biggy, eeek (and after thinking I couldn't wish you any kind of birthday message I'm now bombarding you, that's the way I roll).

Karst No Shadow

April: "I just can't see a situation where I would join another overland tour."

November: I'm on another overland tour. I've got my reasons but I'm not giving them to you because they'll just sound whiney, and frankly I deserve the stick.

So I'm in China proper now, the land of restricted internet access. We crossed the border into Shenzen, which turned out to be a surprisingly normal town. The only reason you would know you weren't in Manchester is because the buildings are taller. Shenzen also turned out to be a city that's bigger than London that I've never heard of, I have a feeling that that might happen a fair amount over the next couple of weeks.

I'm in Yangshuo now. I feel a bit sorry for Yanshuo, it's surrounded by limestone karsts which a fortnight ago I would have found amazing but in a post-Ha Long Bay world it just seems a bit average. We went "bamboo rafting" to see the karsts. The bamboo raft was neither a raft nor made of bamboo. Guess us tourists wouldn't go for it if it was called "plastic pipe boat".

We went on a bike tour through the karsts too. We hired tandems, unfortunately the guide didn't appreciate that his mountain bike with its suspension, gears and small turning circle was far better suited to offroad tracks than our tandems. Evidentally there's a reason you don't get tandem BMXs.

Watched an old man cormorant fishing last night. That's not the most vegetarian thing I've ever done. Getting picked up in the dark from a back street wall by a boat with no lights put down such a good base-level of weirdness that seeing a man throwing choking cormorants off a boat seemed fairly normal.

And I've just been hot cupped. Which really wasn't that pleasant, apparently the scars go away after a week or so. Which is nice.

Weirdest Food: China 's not disappointed so far - dog, lily flower intestines, bring on the weird.

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Apologies to anyone who's tried to contact me on facebook, I can't get it here. You'll just have to use good old email. How very 2002?

Good Night Viet Nam

So I've left Viet Nam and with it South East Asia. Four months, six long-term travel companions, eight countries and a good, solid base level of weirdness. Probably the bits of the trip I'm most likely to repeat and the bits of the trip I would least like to. Incidentally one of those unpleasant bits Goss is having to do tomorrow, which links those two sentences nicely.

I'm in Hong Kong now. It's a proper city. All HMV and Marks and Spencers. Starbucks and Subway on alternate corners. Kinda like home only with really tall buildings. I mean REALLY tall. Most of the buildings here are quite tall but some are really tall. Four of the World's Top 20 are here. It's got the tallest building I've ever seen and until a few hours ago I was completely unaware of its existence; who needs to know what the fourth tallest building in the world is, anyway?

And they dance. You heard me, the buildings dance. When I heard of the World's best static light show I thought that was a euphemism for how pretty the harbour looked at night. I really wasn't expecting all the lights of all the buildings to be synchronised to music for fifteen minutes. Absolutely ridiculous. Loved it.

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Shouts: Edward T Horncastle, dirty thirty and married. Well grown up.